Boys 2006-- 2006's Last Entry

Well, 2006 means a lot to me. Every year has its unique meaning. In 2005 I began to practice in the hospital, and tired myself like a dog. I spent 2004's Xmas and New Year's Eve in Spain, where all restaurants and boutiques were closed then and hungered me like a refugee. In 2003 I visited Saitama in Japan as an exchange student. In 2002 I had the most joyful travelling experience in France. However, I just never, never, met so many groovy and characteristic boys as in 2006. To these boys, I must be nothing but a passer-by in their colorful world and never occurred to them after I left their sights in the rest of their lifetime. Yet you impressed me so much, boys. Ha ha......

It sounds that only boys are worth mentioning in this year. No. I also met numerous fancy and stylish girls, too, especially in this department. But they are just, aah, hard to explain. These beautiful girls are civil servants. They all have glorious academic and educational background. They are decorous, experienced, learned, and aware. They own admirable titles and salary. Their hairstyles, bags, and dressings cost more than my whole year's wages. (Poor Oscar....) Most important of all, they barely give me a damn. I'm too childish and fresh to them. In front of them I'm like a fool.

Boys are different. We can communicate. To name one, my senior officer, Donald, the guy toasting in the center of the picture most above. He used to be a chest surgeon of fame, and now he works in our bureau as a senior specialist. He has been on a run since I met him, from the office to the graduate school (he is still studying), from dealing with government documents to keeping up with our Director-General's changeable new ideas. While for all these, he tries to keep a good temper, and has been nice with his subordinates, to name one, me. Donald is very natural, in contrast to most officials being airy, chichi, and snobby. Knowing such a nice guy, I wish him a merry life and a blessed family.

Two New-Yorkers to mention for their outstanding manners and looks, compared to vulgar and crude me. One of them is a dentist graduated from NYU, and the other is a chiropractor practiced two years already in New York. They serve their substitute service the same as I do now. Their height is more than 180, and they have regular workouts. They lived in New York for a long time and got their doctor degree there, good enough to overlook all the others including me in this department. What provokes my envy more, they have double eyelids, pronounced countenance, nearly ivory complexion, and bewitchingly incorrect Mandarin accent. I and they two met barely three or four times so far. I shunned them purposely, honestly. Standing near them embarrasses and shames me I think, for reminding people how short, weak, feminine, and bold I am. Their existence doom me to a gloomy spot-- funny Oscar, your English is poor, and you are not even masculine. Forgettable Oscar.

By the way, last night's feast was really a lot of fun. Calories, trash food, and artificial sweeteners always make me high. Colleagues around me were nice, too. They made me feel like at home. Oh, thank you all.

Don't Forget About Us-- dedicated to Julie and Nadia

As everybody knows, I serve my substitute service now. During this period, I decide to make a record to remember all the peers/brothers/friends/buddy buddies/colleagues around me. I have made a note in one of my previous essays about my roommate, JayDavid, a handsome/
cute/well-built/hard-working/perseverant boy. I also narrated an argument last two weeks between me and a headstrong/invincible companion. I decide to let it go on to the others. Frankly speaking, not all the guys around me made up a beautiful or interesting story to commemorate. For instance, Bill defines verjuice; mini Michael keeps his personal life like a clam so much that makes himself hard to communicate. I had unresolved different viewpoints from JayDavid about things in life most of time and it resulted in wrangles. But for all that, I still appreciate these experience getting along with them. They serve me different flavours of life, in contrast to the monotonous and "monoclonal" people in hospitals-- callous/arrogant/jaded/ weighted down/messy/untidy/loose/wrinkled/podgy. Hell for Hyacinthus. (Hyacinthus has some ambiguous affair with Apollo, and is killed by Zephyros due to Zephyros's unrequited and jealous adoration)

But in the very very beginning before I start the journey of boys, I would like to dedicate this to my two lovely/sweet/shining/breath-taking/stylish/refined/aesthetic/friendly/helpful/kind/ one and only/unforgettable teachers, Nadia, and Julie. Here is the website of Nadia, http://www.nadiahatta.com/. It's her that encourages me to embark on this blog and keep on expressing myself. She makes language learning a fun lesson to take. And when it comes to Julie, she plays both roles as my tutor as well as my counsellor. She offers her care and empathy to me and also eases my worries and sorrow. It's impossible to complete all the narrations and convey all my thanks to them in an instant. But this is the bow of the ship. As it went by, both you and me can get to know them more and more. So are the boys.

Draw A Lot, Make A Wish

Some words I don't say, but I do feel; some things I don't do, yet I know what it will end up being. Sometimes you don't speak, but I know you perceive; some things you don't do, while you foresee the results. And I still believe, someday I will open my eyes and see; I will find out who's the one in my mind. Someday I will unfold my wings and fly, over the back of the world, to have you realized all the changes I've underwent.

Many nights I contemplated it through over and over again. Winds kept blowing, while moonlight hesitated to come into my bed.

For all that, I ask God for prophecy. I ask how the transmigration of sorrow and laughter take place. Down the waterfall, where my career may be taken to. I ask how much destiny I owe. Why my sincerity and true-heartedness come to naught. Yet I am always alone, I still reach out for a hug or a nod. A lot of water passed under the bridge. I see my body loosening, my face wrinkling, my eyelid dropping, and my voice coarsening. Where is my Neverland? Where is the niche I belong? Let all these doubts unspoken. My knees bended, my head bowed, I ask for God's instructions. There is little I can do, and I pray my family be granted with blessings.

Sing And Dance With Me

I regard it as God's blessings that I sing and dance better than the average do. I love these two hobbies, and that's why I go to pubs or KTVs so often. It's so much pleasure that you can express yourself so freely. In ordinary life, it won't be encouraged to show your extreme points of view, and it won't be allowed either to do whatever you want to. And dance and singing are the outlets of my upsurging emotions and my turbulent sentiments. Act it out and scream it loud!

Recently I've had a lot of leisure time. Thank Bill and Mini Michael, the two newcomers, to share my loads and pressure. However, sarcastic to say, I have little to communicate on my blog. Usually only after any kind of frustrations or unfair affairs will I be stimulated to convey my painful thoughts. So you see here, it's not all that bad to have some backfires or setbacks. But I still dig out some reflection son life to share, because I know that even quite few, there are people who are concerned about me and read my essays.

One interesting finding to mention. Several days ago I listened to the radio and I was more than surprised to find that one famous ophthalmologist, who wrote many distinguished lyrics and renowned poems and prose, was doing his propaganda for his solo singing album!!!! One more title coronated on him, talent! And he is claimed to be the third doctor to be a singer in Taiwan's pop music history, as well as the only one to be engaged in the two opposite career simultaneously. Really a Mr. Incredible to juggle all these. Hearing and reading his news, I am very much inspired and urged. Life is not that commonplace or monotonous. I still can work out or fight out my chance to do something extraordinary, to tell the world I am worth being appreciated for being me, to spice up the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Do All Good Things Come To An End

"Flames to dust Friends to enemy Why do all good things come to an end", Nelly Furtado

Well, just a matter of time, from birth to death, from good to bad. How many things positive I can leave behind in people's memories?

I am not sad or depressed right now. I am quite calm.

Chilly, Frosty

It has been crazy-driving enough to have so many damn freezing mornings at a stretch. What makes it worse is the non-stop rainfalls. My fingertips tingles in this kind of weather due to numerous wounds and bleeding sites on them resulting from my terrible habitual bites.

My life in this week is actually, no that bad. I have a lot of free time to do my own reading and music listening. I regain my interests at high school in female folk vocals, like Steve Nicks, Tori Amos, Edie Brickell, Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Kate Bush, Patty Smith, Suzanne Vega, and so on. Their vocals are spiritual and refined, and the original creative works in them can't take my "ears " off it. I love this kinda sentiments.

Oh, well, it will be one more lonely Xmas. No big deal, merely one more. And I really appreciate it, for having a day off on the eve. I still can remember how miserable it was to be required to work on holidays last year as an intern in the medical center, regardless it is Saturday, Sunday, Xmas, New Year, or Chinese New Year. The only words you wanted to express then was, "What a fucking job it is that sinks, stinks, and sucks. " So at least it's blissful this year that I have a ordinary life as a normal person, to take days off that should be taken off, no matter if there are people around me or not. So, you might be curious about my holiday plans. Ah, probably have a big dinner and do window shopping in the malls. This is really the stereotype of what I've done in the past 7 years every time I'm free and alone in the city. Don't put too much expectation and excitement on holidays, for fear that the backfires get me.

By the way, I get a job next November as a physician in Kaohsiung Chang-Gung Memorial Hospital. Alas....What kinda life it may be in the future five years, no sunshine (and no rain, too) , no fancy dressing, no abundant time for a bath and a meal, no folk music, no energy to fall in love desperately against all odds, no space to express my extreme point of views, no friend to cry to, no rope to hold on, no reason to break down and freak out. Nevertheless, this probably my unrealistic fancy; you can never predict if you can last to that day. Never say never. Anything can happen in that island. Ha ha...................

I am not insane. I am just unwell.

One More Day

I just breathlessly finished reading Mitch Albom's "One More Day", suggested by dear Nadia. Wow, what a spine-tingling tearjerker.

Recently I just realized that, there is neither perfect marriage nor perfect family, which I used to regard mine as. Mom shared some negative feelings and disappointments about Dad once in a while this year when I came back home and got alone with her. These years have been tough for her due to unpredictably and uncontrollably paining backache. What's even worse, Dad showed little compassion for his pillow partner. Maybe his compassion runs away little by little day by day. Mom said, Dad scolded her for shaming him by telling neighbors and friends that she suffered from pain. He said she ought to "keep silent undergoing treatment at home" without making everybody known.

Mom also said, she had a Vietnam friend in neighborhood who married a Taiwanese old widower. After the husband passed away, the Vietnam wife was dumped out of the house by the her stepsons. She was homeless and lonely without money. Mom tried to help her, but Dad callously warned her "not to get herself into trouble". Mom felt dejected, and a little bit, despaired. And there were something else.

Well, I appreciate Mom's sharing with me; at least it proves that I'm someone she can rely on when Dad hurts her heart. While simultaneously, I felt a little stunned. I heard some wrangles among them about, "loyalty", years ago. Then it came down to be nothing. But now, disputes reemerged.

Dad is traditional and incredibly conservative. But undeniably, it's his conservatism without haphazard investments that raises a family. By the same token as you might imagine, he is very, man. And he doesn't know women. I figured that through these decades they had both made their own way together. But probably it was just endurance, not comprehension. It is not alright. I'm glad I am Mom's boy and I can be her comfort. Not many boys are willing to be Mom's. Yet me and Mom are meant to belong together.

Maybe every family has a unspoken freak story. Too shamed to speak of. So it's kinda relief and ransom to read a truthful family account having similar memories with yours.

There are something else that needs my attention, or I would like to spend some time sharing that sad Vietnam wife's story. Discrimination flows. It's everywhere. We try so hard to please people with ivory complexion and decent English accent, while spit people having similar skin color in need of more help. Disgusting.

Hysteric Fights

This morning I heard a serious arguement between two members in the neighboring office of Ministry of Foreign Affairs. It's quite scary to me because the atmopshere was quite furious and the arguements were between two high-leveled officials. I contemplated this kind of irrational quarrel should only happen between silly, childish, and low-classed people, like me and Michael.

Michael is my colleague who is accompanying me to Marshall Islands. He graduated from medical school as I did, yet we are on the extremes. He shows apathy about the Marshall Project, even though I tried several times to stir her interests, or to say, responsibility. I think the only reason he chooses to participate in us in spite of his disinterestedness is, it' cool. It's cool to go abroad during the fucking obligatory social service a piece of shit, but it's no cool concerning the efforts you should pay abroad, or before aboroad. I try to make the best of myself during this project, but I feel cold flush when Michael turns his back on me again and again. Due to this kind of irreconsilable differences, I suggested Michael to bow out of this program. These rude words irritated Michael unexpectedly, since I am nothing but his peer. He freaked out. He said, "I will not beat you here in Taiwan, but............"

I feel disheartened. I don't think I deserve this. But I know I must do something wrong making the condition even worse. Well, although we are on the same boat cruising, we have different purposes taking this boat. It's hard or even impossible to push or demand him to navigate to the direction I want it to be. He doesn't push me, either. So where will the boat lead to? Nothing in between or in between?

Anyhow, at least Michael showed me his bottom of line. For my own safety in the future year on that bleaky and sterile island, I decide to draw back my harsh personality a liitle and swallow all the bitchy and bitter words I used to say to others. Michael can make something big. He makes his own way to get permiitted to the medical school and next licensed as a physician, regardless of his unfavorable and poor family background. I cannot say he is lazy; a sloth cannot achieve as he does. He just has his knacks and skills, which are extremely different from mine. So maybe the best way for our collaboration is to leave him alone, while to leave me alone, too. Then it's not collaboration. So can I make it alone on the island? No way. Jesus Christ.

Life is short. I try to make it shine. What's puzzling, sometimes it's an issue of the scale's balance between how much you want to earn and how much you can sacrifise. To save, or to lose. To gain, or to let it go. And what's most suffering, the tip of what you expect to earn is unpredictable and unsteady, before you put all yourself on the other tip. Even so, possibly just as Julie said, life itself is not merely to lose or to win; it's how much you lose and how much you win. So far I try hard, to lose less.

Bitch As I Am

It feels good to be a bitch; that's just the way I am. It feels good to be me.

Recently I haven't got that much pressure. Maybe I am forgotten, or maybe the free time is just of a fleeting moment. Anyhow, I enjoy the present condition. Of course, I understand it cannot be usual or normal. The real world is, you need to fight and fight and tread on the thorns and push the obstructions away. It's not common to take a long deep breath as I do now. So I cherish this moment.

When will I be sent to the Marshall Islands? What time is the next challenge coming? Will things go the way I want it to be? Ah, I don't know. There is nothing I know for sure. Looking back at my past, I found everything in my life, bitter, sweet, sorrowful, awful, fucked up, good, bad. Wow, I am 25 already!

Thank You, Julie

Good is good, and bad is bad. I don't know which direction I'm blown to. Sometimes I hesitate; most of the time, I fall and struggle. I am alone, and it's so much pleasure to see somebody reaching out for you.

During last week working, my emotions had quite a big rise and fall. Due to unexpected increasing pressure from the boss and the staff, I started to wonder if I should quit or not. I know I'm so much like a kid, who walks and falls and crys and gets into anger, but it's real me. I was afraid if I kept staying in this bureau, or if I went to that bleak island with two "unfamiliar" partners, I would break down and fall into pieces. All the odd errands around me were too troublesome to get my brains clear. Some colleagues were nice to me but some were cold. My happiness was burried, my enthusium was burned out, and I tried hard to find out what was left.

Then Julie came to me, soothing my temper and mitigating my worries. Life has never been exactly what we have had expected, and I mend and mold myself as it goes on a long way. Julie reminds me of this. I am encouraged to extend my strength and face my weakness. Life is a shooting star, and I should make it shine in that moment of time.

I am still learning and trying. Future is mysterious, and I'm unveiling it step by step. Will the honor belongs to me or not I don't know; no one knows actually. But don't let the fear and derpression haunt me. Don't pack all the negative feelings inside my shallow heart. I am just a lonely boy, trying to make my own way home. And I am so blessed that there are friends getting me out of the bottom. Julie, thank you so much.

Life Is Demanding Without Understanding

I believe my readers and friends recently have heard a lot of my complaints and worries. Yeah, many days are not my days; I have only a few. I start to hesitate going overses or not, though too late. After I entered this new unit, I began to realize I am too fresh for these hard work and tasks. I have no smooth temper. I am arrogant and slothful. I am bitchy and difficult to get alone with. I am the last one to work on the proejct in this unit, not to mention overseas on behalf of Taiwan. Shame on me. So give me up.

Feel like shit. I get myself so much trouble and so many affairs. I deserve all these. Do I? I want to be a big person. Everybody does. So when I saw a callenge or a "big chance", I thought maybe I could make it as those Mr. Bigs did. And I go far wrong. I am still innocent and like a baby. Silly. I'm not prepared. I don't know the whole truth and details even. People concerned didn't tell me. They said they were not clear yet. Although it's childish to say so, I feel I was cheated. Things go the opposite way, the least wanted way I thought. Yeah, I am not qualified to be a success. Success takes a lot. And I don't want to pay. I have only to lose. This event is born and destined to be a tragedy. I'm playing the tragedy. One year later, if only I wouldn't look back in anger and regret. Mom, Dad, and Brother, I've been missing you.

JayDavid, My Lovely Roommate

Since the odd errands seem impossible to finish in a couple of weeks, I'd like to push it aside and spend some time introducing my roommate, lovely JayDavid.

David is 3 years younger than me. But he acts much more maturely than his age. Actually, most of the time, he plays a role as my mental tutor. In spite of his young age, David has been eager for success in his future carrer as estates agent and insurance manager. He wants earn a lot of money, wisely and efficiently, and he makes some practical plans. In order to achieve his goal, he gives himself a lot of training both physically and mentally. He reads a lot of books studying keys to success as well as professional kowledge of estates and insurance. He is economic with and saves his wages to an incredible extent, to mislead you as if his was an African refugee. Moreover, he has an amazing physical force. He strenghens his muscle to an "Arnold" degree. All he does so much is trials and tests for himself. He has faith and pride in himself, which makes him so invincible.

So far as I observe, what David does defines the pathway to success: perseverance, patience, belief, and hard work. Yet we don't know whether my dear roommate can make it or not, but I don't see any sense and point if he would fail. David is a formidble fighter, always staying positive. You can see quite a few losers on the street or buses every day, but David is the few modela that make you admire during a few years, especially to consider his being young. I hope his energy and strong will can be communicable and infectious. Poor and fragile me need some guidance to carry me higher.

On The Verge Of Suicide

Life gets harsher and harsher. The boss becomes more and more demanding. I am frightened. I resist taking so much pressure. My emotions seek for an exit. What's even miserable, I broke my glasses yesterday, and therefore, I missed an important date, wasted a film ticket, and ruined my faith. The glass store here refused repairing it. I send it back home in Tainan; it may take 2 weeks or so. But I am 1000 degree near-sighted.

When you have a bad luck, everything sucks accompanying it. The weather is rainy. My world is sinking. I am overwhelmed by depressive mood. I am looking for a grisp, waiting for some comfort. I miss my home. I am lost and discouraged alone. I am weak and easily beaten. I hunger for Mom's embrace to rest in.

Can I get some signs from a messenger for guidance? I become more and more emotional, arrogant, and explosive. I find it harder and harder to control my temper. As a result, I made mistakes, and had paid for it. I dislike myself. Where is my salvation?

Jolin From The Blocks

I don't like Jolin. She is not a born-superstar. She can't sing transcending A-mei, she can't dance so vigorously like Elva, she is not as sexy and natural as Karen Mo, she has no talent in composing or writing as Tanya or Penny does, and definitely she doesn't have Faye Wong's unique and gorgeous taste for music and fashion. Nothing is perfect or best for her. And this makse her three successive fantastic, breath-taking, and record-breaking concerts in Taipei's Dorm so surprising. How could she make it?

Jolin and I enetered the university in the same year. And she popped then. She was quite a lollipop singer, I thought. She sang and acted too factiously. Kinda "chichi" you know. I believe most people at that time regarded her as a famous teen star of 15 minutes. Or 20 minutes at most. And afterwards, we saw a lot of rights and wrongs occuring to her. Scandals and hear-says on the internet, love affairs, legal problems and contract disputes, and so on. Unconsciously, she got throuht it, and ended out to be what now she is: Taiwan's Britney Spears, an all-Taiwan princess, the wannabe of all Taiwanese girls, the dreamlover of all Taiwanese boys, the best-selling female performer of this moment, and any possible title the mass media try to coronate her.

And I went to Jolin's last concert in the dorm. I saw her descending gradually from the dorm's roof on the strap hangers, and witnessed her famous saddle-horse show. Later on, she did the one and only coloed ribbon dancing and the gymnasium acrobatics. Wow! And I realized why she could get through the downturn and aforemenioned unhappiness .

Hail Jolin! She realizd an ordinary's dream: to conquer all the impossible, and become everyone's crush. I wonder if I could be that striving, courageous, perseverant, determined, and concentrated as she does when I stood on her position. She deserves all the fame, cheerings, and success she owns. After all, every place needs a Madonna, as Britney in America, Kylie in Australia, and Seiko in Japan. I hope I could be like that one day. We'll see.

Youth Is Wasted On The Young

Every Monday, I don't think I can last that day, that is, today. Why? At daytime on Saturdays, I do some workups, for example, a ten thound meter jog. And Saturday night is a night for boogie-woogie. Disco time starts at 11 p.m. til 3 a.m. in a overcrowded, deserted, and sexy pub on Sunday. Following that, I go home, take a shower, and get to bed with an exhausted body and a lost mind on 5 a.m. I'll wake up around 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.. And the story goes. I attend a concert, namely, Jolin's yesterday, with a terrible hangover. I don't really drink, so maybe it's more precisely said a jetlag. Afterwards, I reach my ugly and chaostic dorm again at midnight; emptiness, dizzness, and headache, mixed with lonliness overwhelmed me. So it's no surprise that, Monday is hell to me. Next time you see me on Monday, I beg your smile and some cheers, kisses best if possible, for your encouragement can really caress and comfort my soul. I keep on working, and darling, help me survive it!

The Devil Wears Prada

Yes, I know, some of my colleagues have noticed this blog, so I cannot say things like a spoiled child as I did. Let me make some statements and clarification. In one of my previous entries, I mentioned that my boss seemed a little bit "picky". But actually I should not say something mean like that. The fact is, he is a Virgo; that is, he is neat and tidy. He does eveything well. He dresses decently, and acts precisely. He is not harsh to me or to Michael, either. He cares about us, and has far more expectations of us than any other does. Thereby it's me the question falls on. I admit that I'm fragile. I am easy to get anxious and I usualy panic. I try to accommodate myself. (But God know how?) So far people around me are all nice to me. Girls are elegant, and sirs are gentle. Nothing terrifying happened yet. If it does, I will let my audience know, ya. I ought not to render myself helpless that way I was before. Take a breath! Keep calm! Stay positive! You'll get through it. (Do I try to conceive myself? No,no, no..........)

A Love Letter For Myself

How many years does it take to mature? How many tears should I shed before I'm blessed? During these years, I encountered frustrations, and faced harsh reality. I don't get knocked down; on the contrary, I stand still. Even so, I am exhausted. Since the world is that big, then where can I make my own place? If my hand is so small, then how much may I grasp? Underneath the fading moon, walking across the bridge, I find vacuum in my soul.

I've been tortured by solitude. I sought my Miss Right, but always in vain. Following a series of backfires, nothing can I do but pretend indifference. I hungered for romance desperately; as a result, I drove myself into a corner. But anyhow, I express my gratitude to Lord, for "choking me in the shallow water, before I go too deep".(Emma Button)

Keep on walking. Beside me are motorbikes fleeing, and skyscrapers are behind me. Cold winds slap my cheeks. My heartbeat resonates with its whimpering. I wander on the Boulevard of broken dreams; my brighter days play vividly in front of me. Neither am I drunken nor am I dreaming. For all those who are concerned about me, that is, Mommy and Daddy, your unfailing love keeps my existence from vanishing.

Am I Strong Enough?

Recently I have to work on my application for one medical center as the first-year resident. Although my residency cannot start until the end of next October, when I am finished with my current military service, the applcation has to be done half a year before that, and that's now. I sill can recall when I did internship, how much wrath I was filled with when I kept on working for more than 30 hours. It is not unusual condition. It is often, as far as an intern or a resident is concerned. People work day and night, and day. Many people can't apprehend it, and either can I. But that's the way it is.

So when I finished my internship and came to the militay service, I am so much relieved. I take pride in myself, for survivng that period. Nevertheless, I have to face the music. I cannot keep my living by sloth. I have got to go back to work. That's a nightmare. Thinking of the further suffering and challenges, I shiver and stumble.

Dear Nadia, if you are reading, let me tell you that, I envy you. You lead a fantastic life. People around me have dreams. Some dream to be an action star, some dream to sing on the stage, some to publish a friction, and some to travel around the world. However, only a few of them can realize it. Not to mention to live on it, or to be engaged in it. I takes courage, and definitely, talents.

Well, I'm greedy for freedom . I don't wannabe lost in lust after power or money. I wish I remember what I say now after 20 years.

Mariah's Comeback In 2005

With her unique talent and signature vocal abilities, Mariah Carey commanded the world's attention after she made her musical debut in 1991. In less than a decade, She emerged as one of the most popular and widely acclaimed talents in music. Howevr, as the best-selling female performer of all time, Mariah's career was bottlenecked at the turn of millenium. Firstly, she changed her dressing and music style from the all-American princess to a hip-hopquenn who has too much exposure and is too ebonic for her fans. Besides, she got divorced with her ex-husband, Tommy Motolla, who was the chief of Sony Music Entertainment. Thirdly, she released two albums, Glitter in 2001 and Charmbracelet in 2003, both of which comprehensively suck and are out-and-out disasters, according to the critics. The last and the worst, she broke down and was sent for hospitalization due to "exhaustion".

It seemed that Mariah was over. But miracles happened to Mariah and her die-hard fans. In 2005, Mariah released her latest album, The Emancipaton of Mimi. It was a schizophrenic mix of 90's ballands and 21 centurys hip-hop. Mimi dominated the charts for one whole year, and became the best sale in 2005. Mariah Cary's comeback gives me some inspiration: Firstly, you can never say never. In this era when everone is famous for 15 minutes, no one could imagine that the songbird can still fly high and take her shots 15 years afer her debut. Secondly, trains come and go. But a good voice remains. Thirdly, time changes, music changes, the fad changes, and everyone has got to make a change. Not each change is a success. But forsake yourself before the Lord forsake you.

Throughout her career, Mariah has been a lot of things to a lot of persons. With so many imitators all oevr the radio and American Idol, it's hard to recall, sometimes, how pop-soul sounded like before Cary came along. And I do believe, having the ear-shattering voice and pyrotechnic vocal acrobatics, the diva can still blow her army of imitators off a stage.

Say A Little Prayer

I just changed my positon and boss last week. So far I've got some load of pressure during this week. My boss, as I know and observe, have quite a few requests about me and Michael, another new colleague in this bureau. He pointed out that he wanted us to wear officially, to act in good manners, and to record my workfile for each day. Wow! I've never been required in so many details in this way before. It was not until now that I realized my previous chiefs were so nice and generous with me. I'm trying now, trying to please my new boss. And I pray, pray for a easier day. Dear Nadia, pray for me.

Dear Nadia

Dear Nadia: Now I start my blog. Wow, it's really a new experience to me, since I seldom share what I really think with others. I hope this can be a good beginning, to take me to a better place. So far I can't think of anything special to talk about. But, you know, this is just a start. See you soon! P.S. You are really cool! To be an actor has been my dream. That's why I name myself Oscar: I want to win an Oscar one day!