Life Is Demanding Without Understanding

I believe my readers and friends recently have heard a lot of my complaints and worries. Yeah, many days are not my days; I have only a few. I start to hesitate going overses or not, though too late. After I entered this new unit, I began to realize I am too fresh for these hard work and tasks. I have no smooth temper. I am arrogant and slothful. I am bitchy and difficult to get alone with. I am the last one to work on the proejct in this unit, not to mention overseas on behalf of Taiwan. Shame on me. So give me up.

Feel like shit. I get myself so much trouble and so many affairs. I deserve all these. Do I? I want to be a big person. Everybody does. So when I saw a callenge or a "big chance", I thought maybe I could make it as those Mr. Bigs did. And I go far wrong. I am still innocent and like a baby. Silly. I'm not prepared. I don't know the whole truth and details even. People concerned didn't tell me. They said they were not clear yet. Although it's childish to say so, I feel I was cheated. Things go the opposite way, the least wanted way I thought. Yeah, I am not qualified to be a success. Success takes a lot. And I don't want to pay. I have only to lose. This event is born and destined to be a tragedy. I'm playing the tragedy. One year later, if only I wouldn't look back in anger and regret. Mom, Dad, and Brother, I've been missing you.

JayDavid, My Lovely Roommate

Since the odd errands seem impossible to finish in a couple of weeks, I'd like to push it aside and spend some time introducing my roommate, lovely JayDavid.

David is 3 years younger than me. But he acts much more maturely than his age. Actually, most of the time, he plays a role as my mental tutor. In spite of his young age, David has been eager for success in his future carrer as estates agent and insurance manager. He wants earn a lot of money, wisely and efficiently, and he makes some practical plans. In order to achieve his goal, he gives himself a lot of training both physically and mentally. He reads a lot of books studying keys to success as well as professional kowledge of estates and insurance. He is economic with and saves his wages to an incredible extent, to mislead you as if his was an African refugee. Moreover, he has an amazing physical force. He strenghens his muscle to an "Arnold" degree. All he does so much is trials and tests for himself. He has faith and pride in himself, which makes him so invincible.

So far as I observe, what David does defines the pathway to success: perseverance, patience, belief, and hard work. Yet we don't know whether my dear roommate can make it or not, but I don't see any sense and point if he would fail. David is a formidble fighter, always staying positive. You can see quite a few losers on the street or buses every day, but David is the few modela that make you admire during a few years, especially to consider his being young. I hope his energy and strong will can be communicable and infectious. Poor and fragile me need some guidance to carry me higher.

On The Verge Of Suicide

Life gets harsher and harsher. The boss becomes more and more demanding. I am frightened. I resist taking so much pressure. My emotions seek for an exit. What's even miserable, I broke my glasses yesterday, and therefore, I missed an important date, wasted a film ticket, and ruined my faith. The glass store here refused repairing it. I send it back home in Tainan; it may take 2 weeks or so. But I am 1000 degree near-sighted.

When you have a bad luck, everything sucks accompanying it. The weather is rainy. My world is sinking. I am overwhelmed by depressive mood. I am looking for a grisp, waiting for some comfort. I miss my home. I am lost and discouraged alone. I am weak and easily beaten. I hunger for Mom's embrace to rest in.

Can I get some signs from a messenger for guidance? I become more and more emotional, arrogant, and explosive. I find it harder and harder to control my temper. As a result, I made mistakes, and had paid for it. I dislike myself. Where is my salvation?

Jolin From The Blocks

I don't like Jolin. She is not a born-superstar. She can't sing transcending A-mei, she can't dance so vigorously like Elva, she is not as sexy and natural as Karen Mo, she has no talent in composing or writing as Tanya or Penny does, and definitely she doesn't have Faye Wong's unique and gorgeous taste for music and fashion. Nothing is perfect or best for her. And this makse her three successive fantastic, breath-taking, and record-breaking concerts in Taipei's Dorm so surprising. How could she make it?

Jolin and I enetered the university in the same year. And she popped then. She was quite a lollipop singer, I thought. She sang and acted too factiously. Kinda "chichi" you know. I believe most people at that time regarded her as a famous teen star of 15 minutes. Or 20 minutes at most. And afterwards, we saw a lot of rights and wrongs occuring to her. Scandals and hear-says on the internet, love affairs, legal problems and contract disputes, and so on. Unconsciously, she got throuht it, and ended out to be what now she is: Taiwan's Britney Spears, an all-Taiwan princess, the wannabe of all Taiwanese girls, the dreamlover of all Taiwanese boys, the best-selling female performer of this moment, and any possible title the mass media try to coronate her.

And I went to Jolin's last concert in the dorm. I saw her descending gradually from the dorm's roof on the strap hangers, and witnessed her famous saddle-horse show. Later on, she did the one and only coloed ribbon dancing and the gymnasium acrobatics. Wow! And I realized why she could get through the downturn and aforemenioned unhappiness .

Hail Jolin! She realizd an ordinary's dream: to conquer all the impossible, and become everyone's crush. I wonder if I could be that striving, courageous, perseverant, determined, and concentrated as she does when I stood on her position. She deserves all the fame, cheerings, and success she owns. After all, every place needs a Madonna, as Britney in America, Kylie in Australia, and Seiko in Japan. I hope I could be like that one day. We'll see.

Youth Is Wasted On The Young

Every Monday, I don't think I can last that day, that is, today. Why? At daytime on Saturdays, I do some workups, for example, a ten thound meter jog. And Saturday night is a night for boogie-woogie. Disco time starts at 11 p.m. til 3 a.m. in a overcrowded, deserted, and sexy pub on Sunday. Following that, I go home, take a shower, and get to bed with an exhausted body and a lost mind on 5 a.m. I'll wake up around 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.. And the story goes. I attend a concert, namely, Jolin's yesterday, with a terrible hangover. I don't really drink, so maybe it's more precisely said a jetlag. Afterwards, I reach my ugly and chaostic dorm again at midnight; emptiness, dizzness, and headache, mixed with lonliness overwhelmed me. So it's no surprise that, Monday is hell to me. Next time you see me on Monday, I beg your smile and some cheers, kisses best if possible, for your encouragement can really caress and comfort my soul. I keep on working, and darling, help me survive it!

The Devil Wears Prada

Yes, I know, some of my colleagues have noticed this blog, so I cannot say things like a spoiled child as I did. Let me make some statements and clarification. In one of my previous entries, I mentioned that my boss seemed a little bit "picky". But actually I should not say something mean like that. The fact is, he is a Virgo; that is, he is neat and tidy. He does eveything well. He dresses decently, and acts precisely. He is not harsh to me or to Michael, either. He cares about us, and has far more expectations of us than any other does. Thereby it's me the question falls on. I admit that I'm fragile. I am easy to get anxious and I usualy panic. I try to accommodate myself. (But God know how?) So far people around me are all nice to me. Girls are elegant, and sirs are gentle. Nothing terrifying happened yet. If it does, I will let my audience know, ya. I ought not to render myself helpless that way I was before. Take a breath! Keep calm! Stay positive! You'll get through it. (Do I try to conceive myself? No,no, no..........)

A Love Letter For Myself

How many years does it take to mature? How many tears should I shed before I'm blessed? During these years, I encountered frustrations, and faced harsh reality. I don't get knocked down; on the contrary, I stand still. Even so, I am exhausted. Since the world is that big, then where can I make my own place? If my hand is so small, then how much may I grasp? Underneath the fading moon, walking across the bridge, I find vacuum in my soul.

I've been tortured by solitude. I sought my Miss Right, but always in vain. Following a series of backfires, nothing can I do but pretend indifference. I hungered for romance desperately; as a result, I drove myself into a corner. But anyhow, I express my gratitude to Lord, for "choking me in the shallow water, before I go too deep".(Emma Button)

Keep on walking. Beside me are motorbikes fleeing, and skyscrapers are behind me. Cold winds slap my cheeks. My heartbeat resonates with its whimpering. I wander on the Boulevard of broken dreams; my brighter days play vividly in front of me. Neither am I drunken nor am I dreaming. For all those who are concerned about me, that is, Mommy and Daddy, your unfailing love keeps my existence from vanishing.

Am I Strong Enough?

Recently I have to work on my application for one medical center as the first-year resident. Although my residency cannot start until the end of next October, when I am finished with my current military service, the applcation has to be done half a year before that, and that's now. I sill can recall when I did internship, how much wrath I was filled with when I kept on working for more than 30 hours. It is not unusual condition. It is often, as far as an intern or a resident is concerned. People work day and night, and day. Many people can't apprehend it, and either can I. But that's the way it is.

So when I finished my internship and came to the militay service, I am so much relieved. I take pride in myself, for survivng that period. Nevertheless, I have to face the music. I cannot keep my living by sloth. I have got to go back to work. That's a nightmare. Thinking of the further suffering and challenges, I shiver and stumble.

Dear Nadia, if you are reading, let me tell you that, I envy you. You lead a fantastic life. People around me have dreams. Some dream to be an action star, some dream to sing on the stage, some to publish a friction, and some to travel around the world. However, only a few of them can realize it. Not to mention to live on it, or to be engaged in it. I takes courage, and definitely, talents.

Well, I'm greedy for freedom . I don't wannabe lost in lust after power or money. I wish I remember what I say now after 20 years.

Mariah's Comeback In 2005

With her unique talent and signature vocal abilities, Mariah Carey commanded the world's attention after she made her musical debut in 1991. In less than a decade, She emerged as one of the most popular and widely acclaimed talents in music. Howevr, as the best-selling female performer of all time, Mariah's career was bottlenecked at the turn of millenium. Firstly, she changed her dressing and music style from the all-American princess to a hip-hopquenn who has too much exposure and is too ebonic for her fans. Besides, she got divorced with her ex-husband, Tommy Motolla, who was the chief of Sony Music Entertainment. Thirdly, she released two albums, Glitter in 2001 and Charmbracelet in 2003, both of which comprehensively suck and are out-and-out disasters, according to the critics. The last and the worst, she broke down and was sent for hospitalization due to "exhaustion".

It seemed that Mariah was over. But miracles happened to Mariah and her die-hard fans. In 2005, Mariah released her latest album, The Emancipaton of Mimi. It was a schizophrenic mix of 90's ballands and 21 centurys hip-hop. Mimi dominated the charts for one whole year, and became the best sale in 2005. Mariah Cary's comeback gives me some inspiration: Firstly, you can never say never. In this era when everone is famous for 15 minutes, no one could imagine that the songbird can still fly high and take her shots 15 years afer her debut. Secondly, trains come and go. But a good voice remains. Thirdly, time changes, music changes, the fad changes, and everyone has got to make a change. Not each change is a success. But forsake yourself before the Lord forsake you.

Throughout her career, Mariah has been a lot of things to a lot of persons. With so many imitators all oevr the radio and American Idol, it's hard to recall, sometimes, how pop-soul sounded like before Cary came along. And I do believe, having the ear-shattering voice and pyrotechnic vocal acrobatics, the diva can still blow her army of imitators off a stage.

Say A Little Prayer

I just changed my positon and boss last week. So far I've got some load of pressure during this week. My boss, as I know and observe, have quite a few requests about me and Michael, another new colleague in this bureau. He pointed out that he wanted us to wear officially, to act in good manners, and to record my workfile for each day. Wow! I've never been required in so many details in this way before. It was not until now that I realized my previous chiefs were so nice and generous with me. I'm trying now, trying to please my new boss. And I pray, pray for a easier day. Dear Nadia, pray for me.

Dear Nadia

Dear Nadia: Now I start my blog. Wow, it's really a new experience to me, since I seldom share what I really think with others. I hope this can be a good beginning, to take me to a better place. So far I can't think of anything special to talk about. But, you know, this is just a start. See you soon! P.S. You are really cool! To be an actor has been my dream. That's why I name myself Oscar: I want to win an Oscar one day!