Loneliness, Is A Single's Binge 出火

There has been a lengthy period of time, I content myself with the single status.

However, in that night, when I saw groups of boys and girls, playing around fire, playing fireworks, taking photos, laughing, making noise, idling around
Somewhat aching void emerged.

Loneliness, is a single's binge.

Binge, is a group' loneliness.Baby, you'll never know how excruciating I loved you, miss you, and will never forget you. But wherever you go, you will always have a home, in the arms of mine, to see you through the tears and pain, to keep you from the cold, hold you when you cry. For you I will.

The Speechless Country滿州花海

Look down at the small country center embraced my mountains.

On the road painted flowers contrasting with real flowers along the road.

What kind of feelings will it be, desolation or restfulness, for a young man to live in this kind of place?

And I, am nothing but a passer-by.

My First Anniversary Of Serving Military Service

Last year on this date, I entered notorious 成功嶺, and started my boulevard of military service. No sooner did I step onto the ground from the bus than I and all my comrades were roared and shouted. Within that day, how many times I was punished and condemned I have forgotten. I scared, shivered, despaired, but no tears shed-- I bestirred myself, no one could knock me down and do harm to me except myself, none, never ever. What I encountered was just a ludicrous game in which I played; one day it would come to an end.

37 days passed away. Leaving 成功嶺, inside my heart mingled relief for emancipation, hatred for excruciation I suffered, revenge ideation of those who ever hurt me, and entire loss for the unknown future. However, to my surprise, one year gone, I learn forgiveness-- forgetting those who hurt me, let them be no more than passengers in my life, don't let them reside. I learn compassion-- different comrades from different corners in our society, we are all soldiers, none better, none nobler. Beyond my belief at the initial of obligatory service, I deeply cherish these days serving it. I know, I've turned out to be a better man.

Hail! My anniversary of serving military service. There is no story without ending and parting. Hitherto, I've been missing every boy who ever dined and slept with me, ran and sweated around me during this period. We shared insults, disappointments, as well as honors. Step by step, bit by bit, we are weaving our memories going this long way. So many times, I wanna steal a piece of time from God, and let these memorable moments stay. Too often, I'm reluctant to grow up and face the atrocities of outer society. Yet once again, I bestir to myself-- the purpose or growing up is not to be richer or what, but to prove to myself how incredibly achieved I can be.

In the future, we've got to make our own choices and decisions. More and more people will laugh at us, look down at us, and say or do anything they can trying to bring us down. No way. They will never win, because we have our pride and faith deep within; they can't take that away from us. And you won't stand alone, either, for I'll be standing by. My comrades, let us be proud of each other!

Boy Eighteen: The Veterinary And His Pet Clinic

Vet is one of the few Kaohsiung boys in our team two which consists mostly of Tainan County boys in 成功嶺. In our military anthem competition, he was in charge of conducting and designing the marching formation, while I choreographed. Due to this reason, we had more opportunities to chat, and he impressed me by his patience and nice personality.

Vet has a big dream. Since he studied veterinary medicine, after finishing military service, he hopes to own his pet clinic in Taipei which affords him more prospects. Also, his girlfriend is in Taipei, too. I told him, it must be tough to run a clinic. He responded, why not make the best of youth to make it shine and sparkle. When hearing this, I thought to myself, nothing can be more beautiful than having your dream, and putting it into practice! In contrast with him, I have been undetermined about my future, wanting passion in pursuit of something. Vet boy, let me give you my best wishes~

Boy Seventeen: Little Ghost 小鬼

Little Ghost has very exciting stories in his serving military service. Today I only mention one. But firstly go back to his high school days when he was typically a campus rascal. In his wicked dog-eat-dog school, he joined other gangsters to bully other students in order not to be bullied. His father had worried about his terrible school records, so sent him to New Zealand at grade 10. Without disappointment, he became diligent and acquired the bachelor degree in pharmacology in Auckland University. Last year, he came back to Taiwan to serve his obligatory service, and became my comrade in team two in 成功嶺.

His stories in 成功嶺 were no less sensational. In one day off in 台中 city, he witnessed one of our comrades chased by several servicemen from team 14. He stood out trying to mediate it, but in vain. What's worse, during chaos, he was hit. From impulse, he hit back, and initiated another group fighting-- he and another of my comrade, 2 in total, versus more than 10 guys of team 14.

Group fighting is a serious and severe trouble in military troops, especially when we were all newcomers in 成功嶺. But he was regarded as a victim in that event, and his bravery to fight for comrades won the leader's admiration and compassion. This unpleasant and disgraceful event ended up with one senior officer trying to appease and suppress it. Though rather unwilling, he accepted the apologize from those who hit him and received a tiny sum of compensation.

I have dined with Little Ghost once. He is not a bad guy. At least not for now. He has his apprehension and observation of the society, as well as sense of justice and values judgement. If really to blame, too impulsive I suppose. But recently he told me he learned to draw back more. One for he felt dejected and discouraged that in that fight none of our comrades came to help him against the many others, the other for he was getting coward and intimidated by the society as he got older. Recalling that tragedy, he felt quite regretful and unworthy.

In my point of view, this is absolutely a dilemma--to stand out or not to be involved. I would have chosen to be a coward had it been me in that situation. But it doesn't mean I regard him wrong or unwise. We all have made so many different choices to come this long way. Anyway, after contacting many boys, I realize the impulsive fires burn in each boy's heart; they may hide at usual, but still exist. Little Ghost is the coolest comrade I have ever had. Thank him for willing to share with me his stories!

HenChun Images 我在翻山越嶺的另一端，孤獨的路沒有盡頭

Every day in Hen Chun, I start my life this way. Wake up from my bed, having air conditioner in my room.

Go through the corridor.

Wash up at the basin.

Cross the living room.

Pass by the clothes drying lot.

Walk through the hallway.

Cross the air corridor.

Walk upstairs to my working place, the hemodialysis room.

After work, go downstairs.

Tread on the footpath between the hospital and my dorm.

Inside the iron gate having a sign saying gentlemen prohibited live four substitute servicemen. No women in it.

Walk upstairs to the second floor.

Get into the laundry room to have a bath.

Then, hide back to my room.

Have You Ever..............有故事的人

Have you ever missed somebody so much that made you cry?

Have you ever needed someone so badly that you bet you couldn't survive?

Have you ever thought of something you thought should have never came to your mind?

Have you ever? Ain't it bitter?

Don't know since which moment, we all have become men having memories. We own stories to exaggerate, legends to show off, lessons to teach, pain to shed tears. Parents get older, we get bolder; compassion wrinkles our forehead, pride falls away with our bare hair. The music is always too inconvenient to face, sweet berries inevitably turn sour when long left; happy endings we wait just can't come out right, and who can catch us in the rye? In my passing by those passing me by, I grasp sparkling instants to reserve your images. Your corpse fades away, your spirits stay.

Boy Sixteen: Here Comes The Disciplinarian教官來了

Near Boy 15's school there is another remote elementary school where my parents taught before they retired 5 years ago. In it now there is a 50th ladder substitute service teacher who have the same family name and a 6-month old baby cousin, and studied in the same high school as me. For my parents' sake, I got an easy chance to talk to him.
Boy 16 is a fun, witty, and easy-going guy. His dorm in the campus is remodeled from the stockroom which is stuffily hot. What's worse, outside his room there is a cumbersome iron gate which he has to open up in order to go the toilet. Therefore, he thinks of a scheme. He prepares a bucket in his room as his urinal; then he spares the trouble of going outside voiding at night. Sounds original and, funny.

Boy 16 and his two elder brothers are all teachers. One of them serves the substitute service simultaneously in another school in Tainan county. The big coincidence is, that brother has a classmate who is my comrade in Team Two; what's more, his brother and my comrade slept on the same bed before and after in 成功嶺. Wow, what a small world. Actively making friends connects all us.

Boy 16 told me a touching story. On the family visit date when he was in 成功嶺, his parents went to visit him. Initially he didn't feel any agitation. But no sooner did he see his baby cousin who was then 4 month old, taken care of by him since birth, he burst out with tears. An infant earns a soldier's tears. What a lovely attachment. It reminds of much of my tears on that date, too.

Every morning, Boy 16 does the traffic security directing for students.
His home is in neighboring town. One day, his Dad's friend talked to his Dad and other friends that, there came a new disciplinarian recently in the neighbor country directing the traffic for pupils. Why none in their town, he murmured. That friend didn't know, his town is where the disciplinarian comes from.

Boy Fifteen: Guardian Angel 守護天使

There are times when I look above and beyond. There are times when I feel your warmth around me. And I'll never forget my brother. I'll never forget you.

Because of my grandma's funeral, I came back to 太子宮, my hometown. I enquired some mate and was informed that one of our Team Two comrades serves his civilian service in one nearby elementary school. Out of curiosity, I dropped by school by school around there. One night, in my third visit, at 10:00 pm, in bleak darkness, cicada singing, stars shining, I finally found him. I knocked at the guardroom; he asked who it was inside; I kept silent without knowing how to explain my intentions. After several unresponsive inquiries, he opened the door.

"Hi, well, aah..... I'm looking for a guy who belonged to the Second Team in 成功嶺. "

"Yes, I am."

"Yeah, me, too.......... but sorry I can't recognize you."

"But I can. I know you. I heard from Muscle that you visited him." "Come in, please." As soon as I stepped into his room, which is also the school's guardroom, he handed me a bottle of drink from his closet. What a nice guy! Then, we started our first ever conversation sitting side by side.

It took me about half an hour to finally pick up his face from my memory. No wonder, he looks so very much more handsome now when he grows his hair than he did in 成功嶺 wearing a butch haircut.

Bck to that period, as I recalled, he was reserved, inhibited, a man of few words. We had no interactions at all, though our beds were not far. But this night, we talked til the midnight. So comfortable was the talk and so friendly was him that I came to him again two nights later, having one more midnight chat.

King, I call him, because he loves NBA team, Sacramento Kings. His girlfriend studies in 正修college of technology, right next to my previous and future working place, 高雄長庚. He loves billiard. In chat, I sense his soft propensity and tender temperament, which goes well with his current job in the elementary school. Every morning at 7:15 am, he goes to this temple to collect his pupils riding bikes, and leads them to school.

I remember the next day after I dropped by him, it rained cats and dogs. He soaked up wet still guiding the students. This moved me a lot. I would have damned Fuck had it been me. On King's bike group's way to school, they sometimes encountered friendly drivers who concede to them at crossroads; some don't and horn at them. In King's this remote school far away from civilization, many kids are from single-parent family. They are raised by their grandparents living in this backcountry. That's why they need a big brother like King to offer them protection on their way to school.

After finishing the military service, King would like to work near his hometown. He feels good near home, and dislikes long-distance romance, he said. He is naive, simple, and grassroots, like many boys I've ever met in our Tainan County. That's why they attract me. You can sense the original smell of being. King combines another special melancholic inclination, though. And during several visits of substitute civilian servicemen, I know lots of boys like King, whose job is simple but imperative, looks boring to me but cannot be without. Their resident place is crude and humble. Their living condition is poor. But it's their volunteer devotion to the occupation without pay that brings glory to themselves, and light up the dark corners of our society.

So, dear Guardian Angel, everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smiling back at me. Dancing under the starry sky, I'll think of you, 'cause I can feel your stars shining down on me, as if in that night we first met.