Happy Birthday To You

Dear Brother:

Happy birthday to you. Days go by fast. We spend our last and ever four seasons together. Our worlds are different. Fortunately, it doesn't take the same propensity and disposition to establish brotherhood. On the contrary, our discrepancy is our life's flavour.

Recently, I start to reflect what these days bring to me. There was a time, which was not long ago, when I felt dejected and dissatisfied about my countenance, my height, my talent, my conduct, my grades, my character, my everything. This attitude lasted for numerous years; the life wasn't easy. However, somebody reminded me of Marcel Proust, the great author of the giant fiction, "Remembrance Of Things Past." Proust, an out-and-out loser when he was alive, an author who wrote books that no one admired at that time, had been lonesome all his life being a gay. He always had an unspoken crush at somebody, rather silly, kind of funny. However, in his last days, when he reviewed his life, he was astonished to discover that those ever happy moments were too insipid to memorize; in contrast, it was those periods of hardship and sorrow that made him transform into a better man. Til now, I still regard myself unattractive, sissy, and poorly accomplished. Nevertheless, I've learned to embrace my imperfection. I know it's the wretchedness rather than smoothness that makes every individual life so special. It's heart-broken romance; I take it, and enjoy it.

And you, my brother, how have you been in these days? Your smile is the twinkling star in the sky, sometimes shining, sometimes vanished. A switch lives in you: in time to fight, you'll turn it on at one fling. But now here, I have some sentiments to share with you. As I told you before, your being is a masterpiece of god. Your captivating eyes, engaging smile, manly beauty, lovely soul, all witness god's amazing grace. Please don't sacrifice your health and joy of life in pursuit of success, since yourself has been a success already. The times can fluctuate, may influence your reserve in the banks and funds; the boss may determine your salary and change your position. But dear you are the success that no one can take away or militate against. Others might criticize what you do, look down on you, ignore your subsistence, but unimportant figures and words can by no means leave any shadow in your journey of life. Think of your family, girlfriend, and uncountable fans including me. They all esteem and adore you for being you, not what you have, nor where you're from. Hence, to cherish yourself is to respect those who love you. Don't bear too many burdens. Relax yourself, have some richer foods, and enjoy more moments with your family and beloved.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Kobe, happy birthday to you." I softly chant this song, brother. If you hum and wave hands at me, then whichever corner you are at, I can find you for ever and sure. If one day I am too old to sing and dance, I will still dedicate my sincerest smile to you. Happy Birthday.

Smooches

Little Brother, Oscar

"See Happiness" Concert

I went to the concert of two adult contemporary divas last Saturday. Song by song, all love songs, I saw love, I heard songs.

"At such a night, on such a busy street, who do you miss to frown your brows? All my joys and sorrows fly with you, whose tears wiped and wet again, the one in your mind in doubt."

At the interval of songs, the singer shared with us some of her reflectis about love. She said, before we reach the destination of happiness, we carry a lot of things, some of which has to be parted with, or the cargo will be too heavy to go on. So, let go of what doesn't belong to you. Best wishes for the ex-lovers, thank them for spending those ever happy moments with us, then, let bygones be bygones. We all need to set for different places and reach for seperate sweet dreams.

Goodbye, my loves.

Long Time No See

I came from a city being alone, to the place having you. Your appearance in my life is a miracle, and how innocent I was if I were to retain this miracle for perpetuity. Now I leave the city alone again; you're still the one, and my world is changed.

Imagine in the upcoming days, how much I will desire to see you again, to see how you live your life without me around. You will appear all of a sudden in the coffee shop around the block; I will wave at you with a smile, shake your hands, sit and talk to you, as if we've done so many days. We may be excited at what each other is engaged in at present, instead of recalling what we've done together in the past. Or I will watch the screen having you on my computer, frown my brows, shed my tears, noting down every sentiment about you.

Time still ticks away. If this May doesn't go away, then the plum rains won't end. Who don't expect to have more reunions and fewer departures, but the world has its principle to revolve. To sail to the other side of the shore, not too many things I can carry. Disregarding what I lost, I ask myself, have I ever loved, have I ever possessed?

Love Transfer

Wander in numerous street windows, glimpse at countless passers-by, I meditate on what role love plays to my life. Love past by, memory left behind, it is untouchable moonlight that vanished into darkness when I'm to grasp. Romance is a relay race, in which approaching brings anticipation that brings disappointment that brings a vicious circle of despair. But love seekers still transfer one's warmth into another's chest, and reflect next dream out of last mistake. Rings are exchanged, oaths are made, remembrance is buried, regret is whispered; we are all the same as each other.Lovers suffer many worries and fears, and learn to object being an innocent criminal of love. They burn out their youth in exchange of a mate. Beds of them are covered with roses which grow up as making love; only to sprawl to others' soil if over-occupied and spilled. Seasos change, affection mutates. If love is a non-stop train, then how many guts does it take to reach the destination of immortality?

The Most Beautiful Specialist In The Executive Yuan

Vanessa, the most beautiful specialist in the Executive Yuan, as you can tell from the photos below. We became friends in one trip to visit and inquire the mental health institutions in Tainan City and County. During that trip, she impressed me not only by her fashion and elegance, but for her competence and smartness. She describes herself that, she has a typical type A personality-- pushes and hurries for the best and perfect.

After that trip, Vanessa invited me to her home. Amazing fabulous! The design of her home is so delicate and full of humanity that makes living inside like a princess, full of happiness and content. She told me her husband is an architect studied abroad in America. Perfect match I told myself. But sometimes Vanessa is worried, or a little bit upset, she said. She has a high position in the Bureau Of Medical Affairs, Department Of Health, and she has much pressure and loading from her job. She said sometimes she admires we clinical workers; though our work type is routine and hard, time-consuming and labor-taking, we are really free when our work time is off. They governmental officers don't. Their responsibilities and burdens accompany with their positions and titles, the higher, the heavier, from office to home, no duty holidays. We clinical workers confront the patients and their families' complaints and criticism; they face the heads', even more creepy-crawly.
Vanessa told me, we always complain what we're engaged in and admire what others are doing. It's like drinking a glass of water. Only the one who drinks knows it's hot or cold. Others can only be guessing. Cannot agree more. That's me. I'm very good at reproaching and censuring, making many of my acquaintances suppose my life is filled with sorrow. Actually not that bad. I'm just used to exaggerating my bad thoughts inside. Anyhow, facing up with life really takes a lot of courage and determination. However, I think I 'm lucky. I meet with and get to know a lot of persons. They demonstrate to me to take out the courage, to unveil your determination. They exemplify to me, life is beautiful, is worth appreciating. and takes some contemplation and pondering. Beautiful figure, beautiful mind, Vanessa.

Boy Twenty-Four: Marshall Islands

At the time I wrote this essay, Michael has been in Marshall Islands already. I put entry Boy 24 so late because I think it takes some time for me to contemplate our relationship and let it subside for a while.

The first time I knew I would go to Marshall Islands with Michael, shame on me to say, it wasn't a very positive feeling. He is very, mmmh, manful, like a hulk, doesn't care too much about people's feelings, says anything straight-forward and careless, and just runs for it. An entire different extreme from me, as you could tell. I was then vexed, what could we try to be together doing just fine?

And later I learned, once you have prejudice against somebody, the evil intuition will lead you that way. I didn't have too much fun working with Michael. I wasn't too comfortable with his working style, a little perfunctory, a bit dragging out. Negative feelings grew up insidiously in the deepest layer of my mind, reaching the extent so high that he noticed. We broke up wrangling. He condemned me first. Then I took him as a stranger, tuning my cold back at him.

But Michael is a man, a big man, not verjuiced Bill confined in his little mind. He talked to me actively; step by step, I shed down my mask, too, rebuilt up our relationship. I need to emphasize, it was Michael who actively expressed his good will to me. As I remembered, at that time, I wasn't yet matured to forgive as he did.

I also remembered he bough a big cake at his birthday and shared it with me and other roommates, though I could not recall it was before or after our conflict.

And guess what, life is tricky and funny. Eventually I didn't go to Marshall Islands. Michael and another ludicrously verjuiced Michael went. Just this April. I lost the chance to be with him in a super tiny islet for half a year. Recalling this, I took it as a pity-- our story doesn't go any further.

Michael was very frank and truthful with his background. Unlike most medical students born with a silver spoon, his growth process was dramatically sorrowful. But he went through confronting all the unfavorable, turning out to be an emergency-doctor-to-be, tough, headstrong. I appreciate his honesty and sincerity for sharing his story with me, since it isn't easy to unveil your painful dark past. Six months ago, I didn't think of it that, after going this long way for both me and Michael, one day I will start to miss him. Now, here, I send my most wishful messages thousand miles away to him: Run for it, and have fun, Big Mike! I'll see you when you come back.

Boy Twelve: Chinmen Wonder Boy

The only time I visited Chinmen so far goes back when I'm in high school. Most details I've forgotten. The cabbage were crispy, the wall left enormous shot hole son it. Young and brilliant were the soldiers who made the Chinmen so masculine in my adolescent mind.

Afterwards, I didn't meet any person from Chinmen, until in my last days staying the Bureau Of Medical Affairs. I met No. Twelve, WaterBoy, my fellow worker. He names himself WaterBoy, but as a matter of fact, I've been thinking he is a Wonder Boy: tall, strong, one girl friend record. Frankly, he doesn't impress me much at the first sight. But I got to know him little by little as time went by from himself and mostly others. He had excellent grades in college. His basketball team in college used to be formidable. He is out-going and easy-going, plays the archery and climbs mountains higher than 3000 m after work. Sounds cool, right? Besides, he is tender and polite. Reviewing his blog you can see many positive messages, in contrast to my eccentric aberrant murmuring. Worthy of the name, Wonder Boy. However, Wonder makes me wonder. Once he told me, he felt lonely about being alone, after ending a 6-year romance in one year. I was stunned by his saying. Come on, I suppose his life is fantastic, which is not false yet. So many extracurricular activities; think about it, how many Taiwanese men will play archery after work? (Jesus Christ. We are only indulged in KTV and marijuana.) Especially men like him-- no defence, probably prejudice, but in my recognition, or to a certain degree misunderstanding, such kind of bold dude, school team superstar, highly educated Prince Charming, always enjoy their life at their will being promiscuous/popular, arrogant/confident, epicurean/playful. I can't believe he has worries, not to mention worries of loneliness.

The only explanation I guess is, that's the Chinmen style. I see inside the masculine trunk hides feminine sensitivity. That's the way Chinmen goes. Lovely. Anyway, Wonder is really tortured for haven't found a Destiny's Child. As we all agree, it's not at all a problem; such kind of boy is roast mutton on the grasslands, gulped down sooner or later. Even so, it's still cool at young one senses lonesome and feels tortures. Just has to feel, feel real love, real sorrow, real vacuum, real pain. Make a boy like a man. So, go go Chinmen boy!

P.S. Chinmen, 金門, an islet of Taiwan, in the Strait Of Taiwan, between Island of Taiwan and Mainland China

Not Lost, Just Undiscovered

Life is charming. It's a flower, so precious in my hands, and I keep on smiling, so the world will smile with me.

Recently I lead a content life. It doesn't mean everything is OK. Just don't know why, I carry a merry mood. Is it a metamorphosis? Well, some things uncomfortable happened to me still. For example, the deputy superintendent has been requiring me to write a lot of notes. I don't bother to do that, for I thin I'm only paid NT8000 per month. And on contrast, my classmates, who skip the military service, have the payments of nearly NT10,000 doing quite the similar things as I do. So gross. And what can I say? Shall I be that cheap simply because I'm serving the obligatory service? Don't I deserve more?

Just small tiny complaints, proving that I don't really lead a perfect life. So what makes me easy? One reason I guess is because the pressure and loading is low, no need to please the supervisor, no need to follow the rules. You know, since the hospital doesn't pay me, I don't care how they feel about me. Nevertheless I don't practice sloth, I'm not evading the duty, I still offer reasonable and sensible medical care to my 20 patients. Yeah, twenty. The bullying boss can't ask more, can him?

What's more, I've been lucky. To serve the military service can be an unfortunate beginning. Compared to my peers who skip the service, I lost at least one million NT dollars this year. Sounds like a guiltless punishment, right? However, I turn setbacks into advantages to me. During the process, from the Victory Hill, Bureau Of Medical Affairs, Bureau Of International Cooperation, 樂生 Sanatorium, to upcoming 恆春 hospital, I feel different worlds I never expected I would know, and meet a lot of fun people, who open up my eyes, induce me to be sophisticated, and inspire me to be truthful to myself. I need to confess that, there are good times and of course bad times; the later more often than the former. That's life. Unavoidable. However, it's a bittersweet symphony. I make the best from it, strive for my own, and enjoy the as most as possible of life, which is one way navigation: once you get on board, say goodbye 'cause you can't go back. No regrets.

Therefore, in the end, the last but not the least, I must dedicate my enormous thanks to people who render me this lucky. That's my fellow workers in my going this long way. As you can see in the photos below, and others appearing in any entry of mine, these people are so amusing and have a signature look and character. For sure, not all the times we reached palatable agreements when we were together; as I said, the bad accompanied the good. But friends are not meant to be perfect to oneself. To me, they occupy a splendid moment of my life. They are unforgettable figures who make my life shine, make me lucky, make me smile, and make me realize that life is charming and so precious in my hands, and I'll keep on smiling, so the world will smile with me.

My readers, my lovers, please keep on putting your faith in me and supporting this blog. Sometimes its seems I disappear. No, no, I'm not lost, not even over, just undiscovered. You'll see.