Since I entered school, whenever there was speical occasion, I was asked or possibly said invited to do a dance or singing show in the party. Though I looked shy and behaved awkwardly in the daily time, which is by far not the style that could go onto the stage, when I was pushed for it, I transformed myself into an out-and-out jerk, and, a joke. It was like on drugs, or caught by a ghost, or letting another me in my recess of heart out. After performance, I saw people laugh, I heard applause, but I forgot what I just had done. There were times the audience sent me my performance document or record. You know what? I could not stand myself watching it for more than 5 seconds, after a surge without origin of disgust came up and suffocated my breath, compelling me to flip my finger to close the window on the computer. Til now still, I resist that me. You can't freak yourself to get any good in most time of our true life.
Anyway, last night's dinner party by the Bureau Of Medical Affairs was really fun. I freaked
myself again. Besides, we had an activity to draw lots for prizes. The lady colleagues at my table were incredibly crazy and eager for winning it. When their names was called by the lot-drawer, these ladies at their 30~40s burst out laughing without any concealing; when they were not called, the expression of disappointment soon emerged on their face with screams and blames and shouts. It was so fun for them being so true of themselves. My previous experience was totally different in the hospital's year-end party. We did the same lot drawing. I remembered after I didn't win any prize, I whined and moaned with pity and jealousy. My colleagues at my table frowned at me as if I should have kept cool since losing prizes was no big deal at all. Yeah, I know, pretentious people were bores. To be well-mannered doesn't mean to be pretentious, and rudeness is not frankness. We sometimes are just enthusiastic about living and fun and we are eager for emancipation from year-by-year's routines.
Anyway, last night's dinner party by the Bureau Of Medical Affairs was really fun. I freaked
myself again. Besides, we had an activity to draw lots for prizes. The lady colleagues at my table were incredibly crazy and eager for winning it. When their names was called by the lot-drawer, these ladies at their 30~40s burst out laughing without any concealing; when they were not called, the expression of disappointment soon emerged on their face with screams and blames and shouts. It was so fun for them being so true of themselves. My previous experience was totally different in the hospital's year-end party. We did the same lot drawing. I remembered after I didn't win any prize, I whined and moaned with pity and jealousy. My colleagues at my table frowned at me as if I should have kept cool since losing prizes was no big deal at all. Yeah, I know, pretentious people were bores. To be well-mannered doesn't mean to be pretentious, and rudeness is not frankness. We sometimes are just enthusiastic about living and fun and we are eager for emancipation from year-by-year's routines. 
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