Traces

Farewell Party

Boy Twenty-Two: A Foot Soldier

Near my hospital there are five military camps. They are so called three armies joint operations training base. To those boys unwillingly conscribed here, 恆春 doesn't represent a fun, sunny, scenic town. Instead, their traces left here are enormous sweats under the cruel sun, blood loss from snake and insect bites and vehicles crushing, and tears of missing family and girlfriends.

And one day, a foot soldier was admitted to our hospital due to fever and conscious change, which wasn't news at all-- in the burning summer, wearing a whole-body-tight suite, carrying heavy stuff, drinking little water, acquiring little rest, many soldier were sent to our ER or admitted directly, mostly due to the sequelae of heat stroke. I introduced myself to him. Wearing a white coat might add some awesome dignity on me, or he was himself a talkative and friendly person; anyway, he let me know his stories.

The picture above is just what he does every day. He takes charge of the vehicle repair and maintenance. There are frequent supervising and checks from the superiors, so he has to be quite careful and cautious in performing his work. His family background is rather wealthy and renders him carefree. Hence, before he entered the army, he weighted more than 90 kg. But during 37 days of newcomers' training camp, he lost 12 kg. And now, he is 70 kg only. Then we may guess the price he's payed.

In the newcomer's training base, he shed tears every night as each of his comrades did he noted. Too painful and harsh for any individual outside the abnormally unhealthy military ecology. Though getting used to it step by step, ahead of me when seeing me so liberal, he could not but admire me. "How much I want to be like you."

The foot soldier's military life ain't that smooth or, worth memorizing, according to him. He got ill and was sent to the medical unit more frequently than his comrades did, who therefore murmured at him for this sake. They thought he was a lazy excuse-finder. If to find some reason to explain his weak physical condition in spite of his strong body, possibly he lost weight too much too soon beforewards. But I can't justify it shortly, either. He said, he had nothing to do with it.

Though gaining little friendship from peers, he recurs his mental support from his wife-to-be and their baby who will be delivered this October. He told me, his girlfriend accepted his offer of marriage because he became so slim~ unexpected gains from military life! However, he didn't know any public telephone in his camp, for as a foot soldier the activity range was quite restricted and limited. Besides, he wasn't legally allowed to bring his mobile phone to the camp. Therefore, when he missed his lovers, he had to pay a bill for communication borrowing the superior's cellphone. Oops. Then, I availed myself by telling him the location of the three public phones inside the camp. Why do I know? Because I rode my scooter many times circling their camp. Ain't it ironic?
The foot soldier is one year younger than me. However, he has experienced much more than me, I think. Especially in the regard of the mysterious darkness in military culture and humanity ugliness. For all that, after the obligatory service, his life has been well settled down. He has his professional skill, his father offers him an agreeable job, and he has his own small family, everything....all he wishes every day is to finish the damn reluctant service.

Almost forgot to mention his illness and stay in the hospital. Because our hospital isn't a military one, he had to pay for himself. His fever subsided soon two days after admission, while due to the side effects of the antibiotic he took, he suffered from serious diarrhea unfortunately and took no diet for six consecutive days, until we found out the etiology and took away the antibiotic. Besides, when he arrived at the hospital, he lost his consciousness, and no clothes including underwear were taken with him. Bad luck, no clean clothes to change. Whats' worse, because he had an IV site at his wrist and he was alarmed not to dampen it, he had no bath at all during these first six days. He told me, this was his most ever uncomfortable and embarrassing hospitalization experience in life.
I ain't clear myself what kinda emotions I reflected on the foot soldier. A doctor towards a patient? An elder brother to the younger? Or a comrade compassion, nay, anything else? But I did deeply sympathize with him. In his stay in our hospital, I thought of many ways helping him deal with the living trifles. I listened to his complaints in the camp attentively. That's a whole strange world to me. "Do you think this year's military experience worthwhile?" He resolutely replied no. "Is there anything having you reluctant to part with in this obligatory service?" Nil, either.

Oh~ The foot soldier, we all used to be young promsing innocent boys. How come you suffered so much more than I did in this year? In front of him I felt so sorry.

Goodbye My Love, Julie

On hearing Julie is leaving for US this week for graduate programs, I felt one important part of my soul was stolen and lost. I should have hailed for Julie, since she is striving for a higher ground, and she will achieve more than what she had done so much. But, oh, Julie, I just don't wanna miss you.

Julie, my soul mate in the Bureau Of International Cooperation, counted more than a friend or an English teacher did. So many nights after language classes, she accompanied me in the metro station, listened to my stories, sharing my unspoken secrets, pacifying my worries and fears about personal and vocational careers. She didn't necessarily offer precise directions or instructions; however, her understandings and compassion filled each empty hole in the recess of my heart.

Later on, I left BIC, and was dispatched to the southernmost town. Life is so simple and joyful here that I lost touch with Julie til now, when she is going to be gone. In these days, I was again and again reminded of demobilization; I nearly neglected one of my most important friends is leaving me, too.

The airport is the direction you choose to leave. Memories are the belief when I am lost. Trams passing, stations crowded, this time you aren't here with me. Bliss takes a pair of wings, flying me in the faithful direction to the very faraway. Practice being strong, learn casting away the sorrows. I think, in that period, my happiness was all because of you.

Boy Twenty-One: The Cellist 之吾

Reviewing my boulevard of civilian substitute service, I know teachers, insurance salesmen, the architect, beaux, and so on. But not until the end did I meet a musician: Cellist.

Cellist was initially conscribed to navy. However, for physical reasons, he was transferred to substitute service. In the start in the newcomer's training camp on 成功嶺, he had a very furious conflict with the leaders. Resenting the unreasonable punishment, he talked the leader back. And unfortunately, as we all could imagine, he got himself into a more embarrassing situation.

Anyway, it past. Talking of this, more smiles and forgiveness on Cellist's face. I got to know Cellist because one night, out of curiosity, I wandered to the guard room in the front of 恆春工商. I asked the nightwatchman, "Is there any substitute serviceman in your campus?" Cellist soon came out of the room. That night, we talked quiet a long while, simultaneously suffered several mosquito bites.

Knowing Cellist is really rewarding. In the later days, he took me to the port at night, drinking beer, sharing our stories, singing out loud to the waves, revealing worries about the unknown future. We even witnessed a hermit crab crossing the road accidentally. The road for a musician is seldom satisfactorily smooth, whichever era or nation is. Facing the future, the anxiety about uncertainty emerged on Cellist's frowned eyebrows.

Say, what will you say? Be fond of music or any art doesn't mean to enjoy unsteadiness. To reach the supreme status takes too many sweats and tears; while a stable palatable income bores and consumes you by infinite chores and errands, wasting youth and happiness away. Then, which weights more to you between living's pressure and life's value?

But anyhow, youth has no rivals. Youth is wasted on romantic adventures and reckless dream pursuing. Don't necessarily be wealthy, young guns, but absolutely be proud!

Boy Twenty: Your Attitude Determines Your Undergoings

After hearing his name was inscribed on the memorial, I went to take the photos of the podium and its memorial. That's how I got to know his name.

Architect is the same ladder as I am serving civilian substitute service. He teaches in 車城 junior high in his substitute service career, while he taught in high school already before. Not far ago, he prepared and made it to the educational environment institute for the doctor degree in Normal School.

I googled his name on the net. Surprisingly, his name appeared on so many web pages, mostly concerning his master papers winning wards and so on. In his campus, he told me as a substitute service teacher, what he has done hitherto. He teaches the typesetting and printing of books to the students having poor grades at school, who therefore won the champion in an extracurricular competition. He teaches the kids in community the concept of environmental protection and drawings on Saturdays. He designed the post card especially for the school he serves. He made the standing board resembling human figures in remembrance of the retired teachers. He helped revise and supervise the blueprint of the new buildings in his school. That's why his name was inscribed, left forever.

He told me, his maxim is "The attitude you take determines the surroundings you encounter." Truthful. I heard very many different kinds of stories in civilian service careers. Some undergoing is worth admiring, while some deserves a damn. Of course we cannot make any hypothesis assumption, "If I were him, I would achieve better or......" However, no matter what, stay positive, flexible, friendly, and availing is always the best way to cope with the hardships around us.

One more thing. In our 替代役之歌 competition in 成功嶺, Architect made a super big 無敵鐵金剛 doll. That's prodigy. If his team didn't win that match, the judges must go blind. Recently, he wins for himself the first prize amongst the best high school substitute service teachers. Congratulations! Good things always accompany good people. Architect and his undergoings are mutual proof.

Next time meeting him, remember to entitle him "Doctor", rather than Architect only.

Up! Up! 小琉球

Perpetual perpetual perpetual bliss
Forever forever forever happiness
Eternal eternal eternal joy
That's all I need
Bad! Bad! Invisible pressure
High! High! I wannna make love to you
Squeeze out all the energy remians
Love me tonight!
Rock~

Boy Nineteen: He

He is a prodigious handsome beau, as everyone can see. Out of inborn natural men's envy, I disliked him when he popped on TV. His long hair style bored me. His gossip and sex affairs with a young rising female star were rowdy dowdy on BBS. Anyway, he was that kind of actor that I would never paid attention to, until he served substitute service last year.

He is one ladder later than I am. The fact of his being civilian servicemen as I do prepossesses me. Some kind of familiarity you know. And when I read his photos in 成功嶺, I could not but marvel at his masculine beauty. How could a boy in newcomers' military training camp still be so charming. Envy succumbed to infinite admiries.

If I had his face, I would be happier. If I were hm, I must be more confident than I am now. There are a great deal of desires inside me to become him instead of me. I, just don't wanna be myself.

That Year You Were Twenty-Four 萬里桐

That period of days riding a motorbike
Enjoyed speed, enjoyed friendship
Enjoyed creating living, enjoyed being reckless
Life was so very freeAs the time past and environment changed
Probably time for us to confront the reality resolutely
Don't ever cheat yourself with those consoling lies
Again and againNo need to feel afraid, boy
You are earning your own world by your tears and sweats
Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly

Those period of youth singing screamingly loud
Sought love
Lost in love
And now, does promises still make sense?
What does the future have to wish for?
Just remember, that year, you were twenty-four

Wind Blows Sand 風吹砂

Neither mountain nor sea wanna keep you
So all year long linger in the wind

The drifting lot is endless to blow off
Winter chases you up the mountain
Summer blows you down the sea

In the desolate shore
Again and again
Transmigrate your reincarnation

Midnight 3 AM

Sometimes I am over delightful, while sometimes over sad. I have insomnia sometimes because of coffee, while sometimes out of nothing.

If you are only a passer-by in my journey of life, why do I miss you so badly in this insomniac night? Are you ok now, are you fine? Have I ever occurred to you, as you always do to me?

Land Hermit Crab crossed in front of 山海國小 when 之吾 accompanied and rode me there.

The North Gate and Wall.

Welcome to 恆春, my second home, where I spend too much joy and obsession.

Loneliness, Is A Single's Binge 出火

There has been a lengthy period of time, I content myself with the single status.

However, in that night, when I saw groups of boys and girls, playing around fire, playing fireworks, taking photos, laughing, making noise, idling around
Somewhat aching void emerged.

Loneliness, is a single's binge.

Binge, is a group' loneliness.Baby, you'll never know how excruciating I loved you, miss you, and will never forget you. But wherever you go, you will always have a home, in the arms of mine, to see you through the tears and pain, to keep you from the cold, hold you when you cry. For you I will.

The Speechless Country滿州花海

Look down at the small country center embraced my mountains.

On the road painted flowers contrasting with real flowers along the road.

What kind of feelings will it be, desolation or restfulness, for a young man to live in this kind of place?

And I, am nothing but a passer-by.