The Department Of Health Orphan

This noon I finished reading the Chinese classic novel, "亞細亞的孤兒" created in 1945 by the famous Taiwanese author, 吳濁流 who past away 30 years ago. During reading, I reflected myself as the poor sad figure in the friction. In it, the leading role stepped into his tragical destiny in the chaotic environment in the Japanese colonization period of Taiwan. He could not find his own niche in that era, when Japan discriminated its colony Taiwan while China regarded Taiwan as a rebel, as I can't earn myself an ideal position between Taiwan and Marshall Islands, from the Bureau of Medical Affairs to International Cooperation. Situated in different locations, losses and gains are both accompanied. Neither the role in the book nor myself can possibly tell which choice is best or most appropriate. Maybe that's why I've drifted from one place to another, hesitated from here there.

I know I'm insatiable. Frankly speaking, my conditions are subjectively and objectively fine. I'm not in as harsh the circumstances as the fiction background. Most colleagues of mine are friendly and respectful to me. So what on earth is bothering me? What makes me struggle, why do I fight?

And then I read my classmate's blog. He described his life in the troops nowadays, nearly a tearjerker: endless non-sense crazy-driving errands, disgusting fraternity system, a bad-tempered leader, horrifying requirements, to name some. Well, that classmate of mine is quite a "childe" as I am. However, I fall in a humanistic unit, and he doesn't. That makes our difference. I have space to fight and doubt; he has nothing. Maybe, probably, possibly, I'm that kind of person who can never find my own niche. Never ever.